In an effort to keep the art of writing love letters alive, this is my love letter to Teto, one of two kittens (newly minted 1 year old cats as of April) that I’ve been living with since June of 2024.
To Teto, (Plate Tectonics, Agent Cody Banks, Titty Machine) with love:
As I write this, you’ve inched up from the foot of the bed slowly, and verrry carefully (as though you thought i wouldn’t notice?) tucked yourself into the nook between my elbow and my loose boob. I’m wearing one of Cam’s oversized T-shirts, it’s black with the Playstation logo on it. I look rad as hell. I think you’re more affectionate when I wear black because you like when I match your silky black coat with white “tuxedo” markings. You keep your paws folded and tucked beneath me, save for two white toes hanging over my forearm like tap shoes. You start licking your nipples and purring like a lawnmower.
Last June, I baked in the California heat in a big ole’ new apartment by myself. I was flying solo for a month while Cam traipsed through the mountains and jungles of Peru. I went on pet finder almost every night, sending him screenshots of little kittens with various ailments over WhatsApp. He said “no, shelb, we are not going to adopt a pair of cats with FIV” and I realized my dream of opening up a cat hospital within the first few weeks of us moving in together wasn’t shared. Around the time he came back, I saw a picture of your sister, who was so cute I thought she might be AI Generated. She met all my criteria;
little pink nose
would look good on our couch
calico (slay)
giving reincarnated cabaret singer
I was mostly drawn to calicos or ginger cats because I’m a narcissist because they are objectively good looking, and if I have to care for a pet, it better be a 10. When we went to go see her, you were getting neutered, so we didn’t meet you until adoption day. We really said fuck it, we ball! and got TWO kittens instead of one because I read on the internet kittens do better in pairs. So, we really just got you as a playmate, I’m sorry to admit. Sure, we wanted you, and your picture was really cute, but I’m sorry to say this: you were not the sell factor. Honey was the sell factor. Basically, we got you so that she wouldn’t get bored. But then of course, all three of us would be bored without you. The night we took you home, you fell asleep on my chest. You were the size of a women’s sock. I know because i put one on you like a blankie. You didn’t like that. You did, however, like to make biscuits on my boob. At about 5am, you took a shit so stinky in the litter box (which we kept in the room until you were big enough to explore the whole apartment) that Cam woke up and said “OH HELL WHAT IS THAT” with his sleep mask still on. You’re a legend for that.
Later, after you had a few coughing fits, we found out you had asthma. My mom, who grew up on a farm with “hundreds of barn cats” thinks that there is no such thing as cat asthma and that you are faking it. If you are, you’re really good at it. You ham it up every time. Makes sense that you’re from LA. You’re a natural born grifter.
I’ve learned alot from you (despite trying not to learn anything this year)~
Scream if you’re happy, sad or alive. just SCREAM.
if someone else is coughing thats not my problem. if im coughing, thats everyone’s problem.
It’s okay to be gay
It’s okay to be gay and also make out with your sister
Being in a room alone is stupid. Showering alone is stupid. Cooking alone is stupid. Sitting alone is stupid. Weeping alone is stupid. If anyone is trying to do these things alone, get in the way. Because the whole point of life is togetherness, idiot.
Staring is a hobby :)
Being annoying makes you memorable
Breaking things is metal
WAKE UP. MAKE MOVES. GRINDSET.
Teto as a kitten:
Teto today:
